


On My Conscious

by cylawings



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Death and Grief, Extended Scene, Scene Rewrite, Short One Shot, is that the proper tag? idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-29 14:56:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14475144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cylawings/pseuds/cylawings
Summary: A whispered "I'm sorry" haunted him, echoed in his mind as if one of his inner demons had sunken it's claws into it just to trap it there.





	On My Conscious

**Author's Note:**

> UMMMM infinity war spoilers obviously???  
> yeah, anyways, this scene wrecked me really bad I was crying in the theater like, SHIT.  
> I decided to write it in fic form immediately of course, then elaborated upon Tony's reaction cause I thrive off angst.

“Mr.Stark… I don't feel so good…”

Tony turned at Peter's shaking voice, the kids hands held before him, trembling as he stared with wide eyes at them. Tony’s heart had already been sinking having witnessed the others disappearances, but seeing Peter in such a state made his entire body tense up. His heart fell into his stomach, his throat tightened up, he’d never felt so much fear and denial in a single moment before. He stepped towards him. “You’re alright,” he said, though he wasn’t sure if it was for himself or Peter.

He could see Peter’s entire body shaking now, stumbling on weakened legs. “I don’t… I don’t know what’s happening,” he admitted slowly, eyes lifting to look at Tony, the pure fear in their brown depths striking a harsh blow straight to Tony’s heart. “I don’t-” His breathing hitched as he tripped, and it gave way to a terrified tone as he fell against Tony. “Tony, _Tony_!” Tony didn’t know what to do except hold him, feeling the teens arms tightening around him, hands gripping onto his shoulders out of desperation. He could feel his shudders now, the small frame of his body spreading it’s trembles into Tony’s like a disease spreading to it’s next host. “I don’t want to go,” Peter managed after he’d pressed his head into Tony’s chest. His breathing hitched, choking on tears as he said again, “I don’t want to go, Mr.Stark, _please_ ,” and oh god he sounded so terrified, and Tony was reminded how he was still just a _kid_ …

Tony’s own arms tightened around him as he felt Peter’s legs give out, Peter gasping in shock, though it sounded more like a sob in his current state. His head pressed further against Tony and he begged him as he cried. “ _Please, I don’t want to go_!” Tony couldn’t keep holding him up as his weight pulled down against him, so he knelt carefully, laying him back on the stones best he could. Peter let go as he realized what Tony was doing, falling back against the rocks with tear tracks on his cheeks Tony could just barely make out. His eyes shone, wet and watery, but suddenly overcome with a numb acceptance. He looked to Tony, the closest to a father-figure he’d had in a long time, and Tony was sure his own pain and guilt was written all over his features. He could see the disintegration sneaking up Peter’s body in the corner of his eye, but those round, teary brown eyes kept him captured, staring into the face of a child as he accepted his death.

“I’m sorry,” Peter whispered as the disintegration caught up to his face. The last thing he did was look away, eyes instead looking up at the sky as he was turned to nothing but dust.

Tony stared at where Peter had just been, stared right where those eyes had stared back at him just moments before. He couldn’t feel anything for a moment, left in a paralyzed shock. Then slowly, _slowly_ , he turned to sit, staring out at the dead landscape around him. The reality of what just happened, of what _was_ happening, finally hit him and his head fell as his hands lifted to cover his mouth. He wasn’t a person to cry, he dare say he hated to cry, but damn if he didn’t feel close to it in this moment. Nebula (he didn’t even know who the hell she was but in the very least he wasn’t completely alone) spoke up quietly, a layer of defeated acceptance in her tone. “He did it.”

Tony was shaking, shuddering just like Peter had been. He couldn't even draw up a response to give her. She didn't seem to expect one, he could hear her walking away, letting out a huff.

He couldn't open his eyes, lids stuck shut in fear that if he opened them the tears he didn't want to cry would break loose, and he'd finally crumble under the weight of everything that had happened. He was almost more scared of finally falling apart than he was of everything that had just occurred. He couldn't even escape it all by keeping his eyes closed though, oh no, those eyes staring into his, scared and desperate, replayed over and over on the back of his lids. Even if he opened them he knew he wouldn't escape the image of them. It was burned permanently into his mind

And Peter's voice… Peter's _words_ …

A whispered "I'm sorry" haunted him, echoed in his mind as if one of his inner demons had sunken it's claws into it just to trap it there. It would play on repeat, sounding like a broken record, taunting him until he burst at the seams. He was positive it would be joining the many things that plagued his nightmares at night… If he even made it that far. He was seconds away from breaking completely, he didn't know if he'd make it to the end of the day.

_“I'm sorry.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so this scene FUCKED ME UP.
> 
> I never cry at movies but OHHHH NOOOO THIS SCENE GOT ME. It was wonderful, I'm loving that it was SO emotionally impactful it drew even me to tears. Also I love Peter and Tonys father-son relationship so much it hurts, I'm cry.
> 
> My blog if you wanna say hey or look out for any more fics I may write, orrr... Just see the stupid writing reblogs I make instead of actually writing: Cylawings


End file.
